In the land of broken dreams (Osnabrück)

 Taking a look at Bremen Old Town.

After over 20 years, I am now in the place where I lived an important period in my life. Then, working at a stable, riding horses and talking about them was supposedly all I would ever do with my life, and the enormous disappointment and sense of failure upon having to return home prematurely left me gasping for air and purpose. At that point, having had my dreams crushed, i felt rejected, defeated, lost.

Upon returning home,I sold my horse, moved out of my Mum's place, got a job and started an independent life. But although I was soon swooped into a new, all-consuming passion (Africa), I never forgave Germany for crushing those infantile dreams. In some futile attempt of revenge, I even refused to speak German for almost two decades, even if I had become quite fluent in it during my 2 months in the country.
Probably due to losing too much salts, I have been getting some truly painful cramps in my feet towards the end of the cycling days. Here, I had to stop and take off my shoes for a while before I could carry on.

Today, as I was approaching this region where I then worked and lived, I realised that I have finally forgiven Germany. Sure, I still have some reservations about it, but on some profound level, I think I have begun to see how Good it was that I did not stay then, that I did not become a professional rider, that my whole life did not revolve around horses. Thinking about all the things I've been passionate about since them shows to me that my life would have been totally different without that crushing, devastating blow.

Comments

  1. vuokkomero03/06/2010, 23:19

    Hi love, isnt it fine to notice one is not same "silly girl" any more? And momeries are often connected to places. You must be really grateful for many fine experiences in your life since those days! Love you always. Happy to share this adventure!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mari05/06/2010, 13:55

    Hi Mum,
    you are right of course, I am not THE SAME silly girl anymore, but as to whether I am any wiser... I truly dont know. I do hope that I have learned to be a little bit more tolerant, more patient, more flexible than I was then. And I do know that I have had an incredibly varied and interesting life during the past 20-odd years.

    ReplyDelete

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