Mari Travels with Tango

This weekend, spending those countless hours in the milonga like so many times before, i was reminded of a friend's description of surfers sitting at the seaside, waiting for a wave big enough to pull them onto their boards and out to sea. Like them, we seem totally immersed in this semi-religious cult that requires immense concentration even when not actively participating. Reading, facebooking, even talking for more than the mere essentials all seem to deduct from the expe rience, and those who do it will require more effort to enter the proper mindset when stepping onto the dance floor. And like the surfers on the Atlantic coast, we too are willing to devote a large part of our lives to the simple quest of the one wave that will justify all the sacrifices of time, energy and attention. In our case, the right music is the wave that pulls us out of our chairs, and upon hearing it, we focus on selecting the right person with whom to experience the emotions it brings. For the bi...

At times, i feel my life is an endless series of departures. Despite some of the excitement undeniably being lost when travelling to familiar destinations, there is something liberating, intoxicating even, in the sensation of having your essentials packed in the smallest allowed carry-on, activating your email autoreply, and closing the door behind you. A small voice inside of me says i don't have to come back, i could just leave it all and keep travelling, and I have to confess that there is something very attractive in that possibility. But even if I do resume my duties at the end of this trip too, i know my life will forever be marked by these journeys.

Sitting in an airport cafe, watching the stream of tangueros walk past me on their way home, i find myself thinking about the natural evolution of everything in life. When the conditions are favourable and the mood positive, expansion and growth can be rapid. At the same time, the emotions felt make the experience deeper and the memories stronger, and this creates a positive loop that feeds even more meaningful encounters. The atmosphere of joy, trust and openness pulls mo re and more people in, and for a brief moment in time, it seems that everything is possible. But perhaps it is inevitable that after a peak there is always a decline. It may be experienced in the depth of emotions, in the intensity of sensations, or in the meaning that one assigns to interaction with others. Where one previously saw only beauty and harmony, one now notices cracks and dents that although not serious, make one ask oneself what has changed. Most importantly, one starts to drift further to the perime...

Although I have been single-mindedly immersed in many different activities before, the way that tango digs its claws into you is without parallel. Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that most of us who become addicted to it came to its realm at an unhappy time of our lives: reeling from the pain of a separation, lost and looking for a direction in life, lonely and sad. At such dark moments, one is willing to take any consolation there is, and tango offers plenty. The possibility of losing yourself in the proximity of another desperado's embrace, the freedom from trying to express your needs and emotions in words, the comforting knowledge that nothing more than 12 minutes of commitment is expected of you, all seem the perfect panacea for the disappointment of having failed to understand and be understood in the outside life. It is not uncommon for newcomers to think that most, if not all, of life's hurdles could be avoided if everybody just took up tango.  😊 So...

Every tango trip is different. On some, you stay up, dancing until breakfast, with remarkably little effort. Sleeping feels like too much of a waste of precious time, as each embrace, each encounter, each tanda seems to bring with it something that you simply cannot risk to lose. At the end of it, you feel fulfilled but empty at the same time, and upon returning home, you need a large whisky just to steady your shaking body. Then, there is the other kind that is no less re warding, but entails less exhaustion, fewer late night hours of dancing, and less burning desire to keep going until the DJ has used up their stock of Caló tandas. Instead, there are a couple of truly meaningful dances, a few moments of shared humanity with someone you last saw years ago, and a valuable piece of advice regarding your dancing technique. You return home with no pain in your feet, only half of your outfits worn, and although certainly sleepy, knowing that you'll be totally functional tomorrow at ...

They claim that "It's not where you're going to, it's who you are travelling with ", but in my case, it is probably both. For the 5th year in a row, headed for Milonguero Summer. A couple of days ago, flipped through the pictures of the previous years' events, and was at the same time delighted and somehow saddened by how time passes with tango. Am i still the same person as the smooth-cheeked, bright eyed girl of 4 years ago, and if not, would the change have been the same  if i hadn't been involved in this madness, this "triste comedia"? As i have noted many times before, Vilnius has been a place of pivotal importance in all these years. It has seen me at the height of my confidence and at the worst pits of despair, and every time, being there has felt different and new. The one thing that has remained the same is that I have always felt surrounded and supported by the kindness of friends from near and far. That the turning point of thi...

The possibilities of learning about life through tango, especially when surrounded by a creative crowd, are ever-expanding. Last weekend, i had another mind-blowing experience when going to my first Blind Milonga. The concept, both leaders and followers dancing the whole night blindfolded, seemed almost too ridiculous to work. But miraculously, it did. Despite the occasional bumping against the other dancing couples, and the few times we all ended up in one corner, giggli ng hysterically, we were able to establish a truly wonderful connection to our changing dance partners, but also, to every person in the room. I tried both roles and although it was certainly easier to follow, had beautiful moments of peaceful, happy dancing also when leading. However, the lessons learned from dancing blindfolded went far beyond that of how to orientate yourself in complete darkness. When the 3 hours were over and it was time to remove the blinds, we were all speechless with awe. What we had jus...

My first tango camp as a leader is now over, and of all the memories, sensations and emotions accumulated in the past few days the most prevailing is an overwhelming sense of happiness and gratitude. The wonderful teachers at HelaTango managed to put me at ease about my capacity to learn leading in a structured way, and my supportive practice partner was able to calm me down the few times when I felt a sense of panic when thinking i was expected to memorise a sequence, someth ing that I dreaded more than anything. In addition, i was all the time surrounded by the best possible crowd: a lovely, lovable and crazy bunch of people whose affection for me is not based on my merits on the dance floor. I laughed more in this weekend than in the past 6 months altogether, and only cried twice: once from happiness, once from being moved by the emotion present in a performance. I learned about setting one's own limits, defending one's own integrity and communicating one's commitm...

Last night, went to my first "silent milonga" (no talking allowed), and wasn't really surprised at how effortless not saying a single word during the 3+ hours was. Perhaps silence is more natural to us Finns (after all, as the old saying goes, a Finn is fluently silent in all the languages he/she knows ) than to people from more talkative cultures? What was surprising, though, was how much more intense and deeper the dancing felt. I experienced this increased depth in both  roles, and realised that I would actually prefer at least the dancing part of every milonga to be totally wordless: no pleasantries between songs, no idle chit-chat while walking back to your seat from the dance floor. Just an intense sensation of having shared a moment with another person, of searching for an experience of common humanity that needs no explanations, no when's and how's and if's. I left the Milonga feeling strangely refreshed, and very aware of the importance of touch...

Two days after returning from Riga Embrace, and still, i am hardly able to produce a coherent sentence to describe the past weekend. What is clear, however, is that this was exactly what I needed at this point in my life. From inadvertently walking into the sightseeing group just the moment when the guide was explaining the one thing I was curious about, via having the right conversations just at the right time, to dancing just the right tandas with exactly the right people , the weekend was like a string of pearls made of meaningful encounters served to me at the best possible moments. Most importantly, however, it was another journey of self discovery. I learned a lot about life, love and myself, and discovered that indeed, time does heal most things and forgiveness is the only way forward. I realised something that I have suspected all along: that the only way to really be freed from pain is to expose yourself again, even if your instinct would tell you to lock up everything tha...