Mari Travels with Tango

On the road again, after a long time (or so it seems), headed for Budapest. Funny how sometimes, 3 months can feel like a lifetime. It is as if the stars had changed their position, tides had turned or sea currents had shifted since the last time I was there. Contrary to what one often thinks, change is not always linear, gradual or subtle. Instead, it proceeds in leaps and bounds, sometimes taking you way off course, sometimes presenting you with unforeseen clarity as to where you are heading. I like change, even with the bumps and detours it may bring.

Driving home in the crisp autumn evening while listening to my Tanturi/Campos playlist, I realise with a pang how perfectly their music fits this season. While their tangos are filled with warm, gentle sounds reminiscent of summer days gone by, there is also a chilling, almost metallic tint to both the notes of the bandoneon and Campos's velvety voice. To me this contrast, like so many others this music is filled with, feels strangely satisfying: It is a bit like the first frost that makes us shiver, but brings with it the flaming colours and unique flavours of the Nordic autumn. At this rate, I will end up in love with all the major orchestras of tango. Then again, there are worse fates than that!

As so often after returning from a satisfying tango event, the slow evaporation of post-trip glow is creating a vacuum that all kinds of self-doubts and existential questions are quick to fill. It is an interesting state of mind, as at the same time, there are lots of new ideas and associations between things experienced, dreams fulfilled and new horizons opened. However, there is also a certain vulnerability that makes you feel over-sensitive to loud noises, harsh tones and  lack of understanding between people around you. I am sure there is a purely neurobiological explanation to why it is the perceived distance between people that hurts you the most. At your best moments in tango, you allow yourself to be totally open, trusting and permeable for other people's emotions and intentions. The contrast to so-called normal life with its caution, calculation and dissimulation is so stark that the brain, heart and body are struggling to cope.