Circles, cycles and patterns (Kalmar)

Morning at Oskarshamn campsite.

Something about the repetitious nature of bicycle travel got me thinking about the cyclic, almost totally predictable patterns that my life seems to follow. I suppose we all have those of our own, and no matter how much we try to break away from the never-ending reruns of our own life drama, it seems to have little impact on the end result.

Today, I was experimenting with taking cycling pic's of myself. Must admit it takes some creativity, and one has to be fast too! Here are some of the results.

Now, don't get me wrong: I do enjoy life on the road with all its unexpected twists and turns, but for a long time now, I have been quite aware of the fact that no matter how different the surroundings, my mental landscape and the kind of encounters I have while traversing a country (or life in general) remains the same. With this, I am referring as much to the obvious fact that I remain the same person wherever I go, as to the realisation that same kinds of things seem to happen to me, no matter which continent, decade or life situation I find myself in.

In a way, the never-ending repetitions are comfortingly familiar, but I have to confess there are times when I find myself questioning the utility of it all. Take travelling, for example. I, for one, am happy to confess feeling so much more awake, aware and in tune with my 'true' self when travelling, that it is no wonder it has become such an integral part of not just how I live, but indeed, of who I am. Still, I do see that whatever realisations I may have made during a trip, it does not take long for those lessons to slip out of my mind once back home...only to be re-discovered the next time I embark on a long solo trip. And on it goes.

Another, more sensitive issue is of course the way my (or, for that matter, anybody else's) love life seems to defy all attempts to break away from patterns once engraved in the subconscious. While trodding through my 70-odd km today, I spent a good while pondering on the somewhat depressing possibility that no matter how much I think I have changed, grown as a person or matured as a woman, my responses to situations presented in an emotionally charged relationship remain essentially the same. And even more frighteningly, the situations in which I continue finding myself show few signs of evolution.

Perhaps that really is all there is to it. Life, in all its forms, is a circular process and our mistake is simply in trying to see linear progress where there are only ripples on the surface of an ocean. Like the buddhists say, there is no beginning and no end, and all boundaries between entities are illusory.

On a more practical note, I did make it to Kalmar, without riding on the E22 at all. The roads i followed were wonderfully quiet back-country tracks, with horses, cows and sheep watching me pass. The scenery itself must have contributed to my philosophical mood too, and the somewhat warmer temperatures made the going a lot more agreeable than the previous days. Unfortunately, I did not manage to hunt down a milonga tonight, but am still hopeful to be able to dance tomorrow. Am spending the next 2 nights in a hostel, have just done my laundry and checked my emails. Tomorrow I'll go take a look at Kalmar that based on my first impressions today seems like a nice town. I really hope there will be some tango too!